Hopeless Dreamer

If i go to a place where the sunshine hits,
and if i spread my hands.
will i be able to fly past the sky?
thats what i thought.

the wings that can make me fly away r still invisible.
maybe its because things arent that simple.

got my result 2day n gawsh i am feeling so sad atm.
i managed to put myself in the distinction range.
well, not good enuf!
i want to b a doctor.. n i hafta be in the high distinction

being a doctor. that's my dream since i was a lil kid.
what a big dream i happened to have.
but i always din put enough effort to reach for it.
and i am always not good enuf.
i keep being a disappointment. to my parents. to my family. to myself.

tears started to overflow..
so i asked, what went wrong?
i thot i'm gonna do great for sem 2.
i got full mark for my quizzes
i did well for my mid sem test.
i worked harder
i studied smarter and
i handled stuff better
but what went wrong?

there's always a reason for whatever happened.
and i hold on to that
"but u cant give me that kind of statement to explain this result".
thats what my mum said.
and hell yeah she's right...
i'm sorry i cant give u better than this.
i'm sorry....

there's nth much i can do isnt there?
i am feeling so jealous of my frens that manage to go overseas to further their studies.
but thats ok.. i am goin overseas. in the future, for HOLIDAYS. not for study purpose!
well, thats just to console myself. and its not even really helping.

kak na... i know u're gonna read this.
plz dun ask me nething.
i am so scared i wont b able to explain nething.
i know exactly what u're gonna say
and i'm sorry...

so.. atm, i really dunno what to do..
what course am i gonna take?
i've narrowed my choices down to 4 courses
i dun like maths. not chemistry either.
i have passion for biology. thus, explained these choices of mine

1) Psychology
2) Biomedic
3) Microbiology
4) Gene Technology

i need to do more research on these 4 courses. omg.. i am feeling so down..
u know, it doesnt make sense to let go of the dreams you had for so long
but it also doesnt make sense to hold on when there's actlly nth there.

p/s: i still thank god for giving me a good result. =)

song of da day: Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO feat Lauren Bennett and GoonRock
feeling depressed? earphone in, volume up, ignore the world!


pikachu ! ;p said...

alice , everybody has their talent lorh . n dlu abg kte un same jgk xdpt pointer y bgs tuk jd dr. but he stll got d chances to be a dr. u kno . look , he is a dr. now . so , don't think u hav to quit bcoz of d result dat u got now . u can do it . nowaday , many u can make u a dr. u kno . juz chill . there's a chance 4 u . juz wait 4 it n try work harder. ;))

maiya said...

dear, you are not a disappointment to anyone!
..other than urself if you will it.
Sure, dear, expectation is there, its everywhere...
but. u. r. not. a. dissappointment okay.
You are a dear, clever and everything will figure itself out. Don't beat yourself, okay.
Like, the lil kid above(below?) my comment said, there are chances for you. Chances are everywhere. We'll just have to continue searching for it. Fighting!!

Alice said...

awwhh.. thank you... ='( *hugs*

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ohhaithere! i'm Alice. and i'm here blogging out loud and screaming the news to you XD
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